Welcome to Kinsler’s Corner

Welcome! In this hectic world, it is a novelty to take the time to relax. Please take a moment to share some of our special times. I’m off to a slow start, but stick with me, and I promise to get this up-dated throughout the summer. I hope you enjoy the postings.

10/19/11    Violet Berger, my mother, is at peace.

Tomorrow is my mother’s funeral. My head is spinning with so many conflicting emotions. I am deeply saddened that she is no longer here to be my inspiration, my best friend, my confidant, and just my mother. I teased her about calling me 10 times a day. But, now I wish that when the phone does ring, I would hear her voice. I am thankful that we were lucky enough to find out ahead of time that she only had a few months to live. We spent lots of time talking, planning, comforting and enjoying each other’s company. We laughed. We cried. We laughed some more. We understood each other’s needs. We got each other’s jokes. I am elated that she knew how proud I was of her. How I bragged that at 90 she was quite independent: still driving, visiting friends, using her computer to write her stories, attending concerts and operas, attending Russian history classes, eating foods of every nationality, living alone and taking care of herself…and how much I loved her. I am grateful that she kept her faculties throughout her fight and didn’t suffer for a long period of time. I am thrilled that she was so proud of her grandson, and saw her great-grandchildren growing up. Her face lit up, and her smile was amazing, just at the mention of their names. I am saddened that she didn’t get know what they’d become as adults. I wish we did more video recordings showing her sense of humor and of her telling so many wonderful family stories…especially the ones she told the night before she passed away. I am thankful that so many family members came to visit her, sent her cards, emails, and even SKYPED with her.  They raised her spirits and helped her fight to live another day. She unconditionally loved her family, and friends, and they so obviously, loved her in return. I have spoken to some of her friends, people I’ve never met, they gush with compliments, and speak so highly about her. I was truly blessed to have had such a wonderful, warm and loving mother. Although I can rationalize and say she’s in a better place, without pain, and at peace, I can only wish my heart could agree with my brain. Yes, I  had a wonderful mother for 68.5 years, but I am left aching for more. The memories we created will always be with me. Her spirit will always be within me. She told me she’d be watching over me and will always “have my back.” I count on that. I know I will survive this. I know I will continue to make her proud, and be the best person I can be. I know my family and friends will always be there for me. I should be, and am, so grateful and thankful, but, sadly, I just want another hug, one warm, cozy, motherly hug.

June 2011: At this time, this posting is in memory of Larry, whose first anniversary is at hand. Please click on Larry’s Page to share some of our precious memories.

6/18/11 Today marks the first anniversary of Larry’s passing. I have survived the year, but I am missing my other half. We were like bookends, Larry and me. Generally on opposite sides, going in different directions, but together having the strength to support the books between us…chapters of our life, written daily, good and bad, yet standing tall because we were both there, working together. Take away one support, and the books slide and fall down. With careful tending, the books can be positioned to lean in such a manner that the one remaining support can keep them upright, not as tight, not as straight, but still standing. It appears that the one has the strength to maintain the tradition, but it takes far more effort and the burden feels heavier. Life goes on. The daily routines are still followed. I am still a student, a teacher, a daughter, a mother and a grandmother. Having my wonderful family and friends, neighbors and co-workers helps tremendously, and is truly appreciated; still the hole in my heart is empty. My other half, the other bookend, the one who gave me extra support, and shared the load, is gone…just a memory…I have a photograph…

6/22/11 Today is actually the second birthday Larry missed. He’s still 64! And, yes, in response to the Beatles, he knew he was still loved, when he was 64.

7/11/11 Today I donated more that $1,000 worth of Larry’s ostomy supplies to the American Cancer Society’s “Donation Closet.” It took a long time to find a place that would accept them. I could not stand the thought of throwing them out. They were so kind and understanding. It does my heart good to feel that my loss will be a blessing for someone else. Please feel free to donate to the American Cancer Society, in Larry’s name…or anyone else’s who has been touched by this awful disease.